So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
