I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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