oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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