I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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