mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
