He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
