omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
