He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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