Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
