I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
