The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
