when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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