life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
