it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
