Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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