if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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