I could have mohawked her pubes.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
