Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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