i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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