i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
