Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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