I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize