She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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