come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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