girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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