Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
