You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
