Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
