I think i peed on brittanys purse
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
