I didn't shave. On purpose
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm at about main and main street
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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