I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
