Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
