Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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