were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
