So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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