I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
