Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
