Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
