Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
