I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize