he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
