if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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