This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
