well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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