Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
