Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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