I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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