So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In other news, I just burned my penis
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
