My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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