I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
