Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
