and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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