I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
