You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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