Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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