Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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