I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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