first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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