So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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