either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
