He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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