that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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