Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
