Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I want to be your penis for a week.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
