Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's blow job season.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
