There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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