Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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