Apparently you make a good broom.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
