I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
