hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
