I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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